Saturday, July 30, 2011

**Blessed with a Miracle..


“Don’t let your miracles become monuments”

 I have heart failures and I have a bicornuate uterus – a heart shaped one..it is a rare case..and it gives me a high-risk pregnancy. I had miscarriage once and I nearly died. Doctors said that it would be too risky for me to have a child.

 
  When God blessed me with my eldest I was bleeding and was hospitalized several times. I was talking always to my child to hold on and fight because I want her to live. When I gave birth my eldest was pre-mature-she was seven months. The doctors was amazed because she need not to be in an incubator because her lungs were so strong regardless of her being pre-mature and me being weak when I had pregnancy.



 My second child came and he was again pre-mature-eight months. I was a lot stronger but the risk was still there. My baby boy was healthy but I was the one at risk. My parents were worrying why I was on the delivery room for long hours. I was literally shivering inside the delivery room. I don’t know if I was overdosed of the anesthesia or because of my heart ailment..but I indeed felt I was leaving.

 Here are few facts about having a bicornuate uterus:

What is a bicornuate uterus? A uterus is supposed to have only one chamber. When it has two champers or horns, it is known as bicornuate uterus. Such a uterus is either Y-shaped or heart-shaped. It is the result of fusion anomaly of the mullerian ducts during embryogenesis. Pregnancies in a bicornuate uterus are usually considered high-risk and require extra monitoring because of association with poor reproduction potential.
A bicornuate uterus is associated with increased adverse reproductive outcomes like:
  • Recurrent pregnancy loss: the reproductive potential of a bicornuate uterus is usually measured by live birth rate (also called fetal survival rate). This rate is estimated around 63% for a bicornuate uterus.
  • Preterm birth: with a 15 to 25% rate of preterm delivery. The reason that a pregnancy may not reach full-term in a bicornuate uterus often happens when the baby begins to grow in either of the protrusions at the top. A short cervical length seems to be a good predicter of preterm delivery in women with a bicornuate uterus.
  • Malpresentation (breech birth or transverse presentation): a breech presentation occurs in 40-50% pregnancies with a partial bicornuate uterus and not at all (0%) in a complete bicornuate uterus.
 I have given birth to my two angels with ceasarian delivery and it was indeed a miracle. Time passed by and because of my own personal hurts and painful experiences.. I forgot and took for granted my kids for a while. I still had time with them but not that much. There was a time when I was so  depressed and I forgot ..A " miracle" that God has given in my life.

   Now, even if it is only the three of us I have never been so bonded with my kids. I learned that no matter what you have been through, no matter whose fault it was; no matter how impossible our situation may look the good news is God will restore everything. He will restore my broken dreams..

Maybe we once were excited about a person that God has given to us. But now we have been accustomed as making it as a routine and sometimes we take them for granted.

Friends don’t allow that sense of miracle to slip away. Don’t get so familiar with each other that you take someone for granted. Don’t take for granted the greatest gifts that God has given us. Let us learn to take care of them because they are a blessing..

 ..there are many miracles that happen in our lives..many instances that God has sent someone to touch our soul..may we not forget to be grateful to Him and may we cherish and love the "miracles" that has been given to us :)

well I believe in miracles..so I want to have more babies  weeeee..


..if the world breaks your heart
I will still be here believing in you
..if you need someone whom you can hold on to
I Am Here
..I'll always be here,You Can Come To Me..



Saturday, July 23, 2011

..A time to Listen**

 Are you a good listener?

 I am an only child and I grew in a family where my parents are too busy on their own chosen professions. Such that I always wished in my life was to have someone who is good to listen. Being left alone often in our house I was used to silence and yearning for someone to listen to my day-to-day experiences, share my happy moments and be with me in times of loneliness and despair.

 Of all the adversities that I had gone through I can say that I am a strong woman. I have always stood up again and again and sometimes all I need is a hug and someone who has ears to listen.

 I have a friend who called up one day and she was crying about her husband leaving her. She is so successful and so busy in her career but she lacked time with her family. She just talked and talked and never did give me a tiny chance to talk back. After a long while she had a big sigh and said. "Sie, I feel so much better.” I am alone now and was about to commit suicide but you where there to listen.


 I said to my friend I didn’t say any advice or anything. I realized she didn’t need any advice that time, what she needed was someone to listen.

 Sometimes if we would just take time to listen to people, we could help initiate a healing process in their lives.

    There are many people today who are hurt and down. They have nobody to talk to or because they don’t trust anybody anymore.

 What we all need to do is open our hearts and be a friend-without judging or condemning them more. All we need to do is simply listen and we may help lift that heavy burden or heal a hurt inside them.


  We don’t need to have a profound wisdom, we don’t have to know all the answers, we just need to open our heart, listen and care.

 ..your never alone
I'll be in every beat of your heart
 my love will be with you..stay with you..

..ssssssshhhhh..just HUG me please please..

Wednesday, July 20, 2011

**always and forever..




 I have always pretended..hiding my true self..the real me to everyone..I was living to please other people..I always do things because it was an obligation.


  

.I never felt loved..I always have a fake smile..assuming and pretending that I was happy..




 But when you came..you gave a new meaning to my life..you gave me a chance to have a true smile..you made me realize how important I am..

Now..this is the real me..a simple woman..I am so happy with my life..thanking God everyday that He gave me You..

 despite our distance..I have never felt so much love from anybody else..

 I have never felt like this..I won’t give my heart to anyone else..

 I am so happy because I am yours forever..

..thank you for making my birthday special..thank you for the roses you have sent me :)

I Love You So Much..your everything to me ..

Tuesday, July 19, 2011

~I belong to You..

True Love is not searching for a person who will Complete you..it is not making a person to Compliment you..but being with a person that will Complement with  you..

It is not expecting a person to complete or agree with you in all your ways..but someone who will Complement..understanding and adjusting to each other's differences.. 

  ..BOTH of you growing and learning..becoming ONE..becoming WHOLE together..

Thursday, July 14, 2011

``usual sadness..

Have you felt being neglected? Sometimes the most hardest and hurting part is feeling neglect from the persons you love. I am an only child.. But often times I feel hmp.. I was sick these past few days and I received a text from my mom.. “Take care of yourself because we can’t be there.”

Few days from now it will be my birthday and as usual they will always say. "We are sorry we can’t be there because we have meetings to attend to our church. Your papa is busy doing his work." They usually do that even on special occasions when I was young.

 I remember them saying “we promise we will go out and watch a movie if you have perfect grades”. It was not the movie I was after but the bonding that we may have. I got a perfect exam and yeah as usual “we couldn’t go because we forgot we have something to do in our church”. They always go home late and I was cooking my own food and eating my dinner alone..

 There was only one time that I celebrated my birthday for which I felt special. When my mom came home from Saudi and I was 7 yrs.old.all of my relatives are there..One big happy family. But after it seems like all of them forgot my birthday. Nothing was special..

 Can I beg even for just on my birthday you can spend it with me? even just for one day on my day..I am living with my kids, only the three of us..so nothing it’s just I’m hoping my love ones would come on my birthday. I never asked for material things just a tight HUG would do.

 Good thing I have my kids with me..I'll spend my birthday with them..

 But then again anyway I am used to it. Sorry friends just getting a bit emotional..just pouring out my feelings..

..maybe I just have to get enough sleep..it will soon pass..

Wednesday, July 13, 2011

~~Discernment..

I am my grandpa’s little girl. I remember him being proud always of my achievements. Both of us would wake up each morning and with my papa we harvest mangoes and chico fruits to bring home. 

 My grandpa loves my two kids. He would play with them and get the toy guitar while I sing and my kids would dance or sing with me.

 Early one morning last year I got a call from my papa that my grandpa was rushed to the hospital. At that time I felt so sad. My grandpa was diagnosed to have prostate cancer and a brain clot from a bumped he had on his head.

 As I was riding a bus going to the hospital to visit my grandpa, tears was pouring down my cheeks. I traveled for six hours on bus. I felt tremendous love and concern for my grandpa. I began to think about how good he has been to me and how well he has treated my kids.

 Normally when I received a call from my papa that my grandpa was rushed to the hospital I would always say, “Kindly tell grandpa, to be strong.” But that call was different, something deep inside told me go there and stay with your grandpa even just for a day. So my kids and I traveled by bus and I left them with my mama and then I went to the hospital.

 As I was near my grandpa’s bed I really cried. I never expected to see my strong grandpa lying so weak on that bed. He couldn’t talk or even say my name. I went there and just held his hand and whispered grandpa "I am here."

 To my surprise he opened his eyes and smiled. I saw a tear in his eyes and he hugged me with his one arm. My relatives and the nurses were smiling because he uttered and called me by my name. Normally patients who have blood clots on their brain can’t remember a thing, so they were surprised when my grandpa remembered me.I felt how my grandpa loves me.He opened his eyes for the first time just to see me.

 I left that afternoon feeling good, knowing that he will be ok. Later that same day I got a call and they said my grandpa was taken to the intensive care unit. The doctor’s diagnosed that his cancer was already severe and they had said he has only a few months to live. My grandpa has survived still until now. I am glad he is still alive but he can’t utter a word anymore and can’t remember vividly names of people.

 I realized then that it was a good thing that I kept my compassionate heart open. That was the last time that I heard my grandpa said and remembered my name. But what if I said to myself that I couldn’t go, I am too busy? What if I have not been sensitive and insisted not to go? I would miss out something precious-an irreplaceable moment with my grandpa remembering me clearly and saying my name for the last time.

 If we feel God wants us to do something for someone, let us obey. Let us keep our heart of compassion open. Let us be discerning and sensitive of the love that has been beating inside our hearts. When we feel compassion and a special love toward someone, it is there for a specific reason..it maybe too late if we won't listen. All we need to do is to follow and respond..  


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