Tuesday, August 28, 2012

** Silent Whispers ..


My life has always been an OPEN BOOK to everyone. I have ALWAYS BEEN TRUE AND REAL to anyone that comes my way. BUT NOW IT IS TIME TO CLOSE A CHAPTER OF MY LIFE. I have always given my TIME and LOVE to those people who deserves it. I have easily given my TRUST on a relationship even to my new friends but I STILL ended up SEEING THEM JUST COME AND GO!!!


I have always been inspiring other people to go on with their lives and be strong BUT now it is really hard for me to be strong. I CAN'T PRETEND to be someone else. I can't smile while I am hurting. I can't show happiness when I am drowning of sadness. I know LIFE GOES ON but right now my life is like an AUTUMN LEAF JUST FALLEN AND FLOWN BY THE WIND without ANY DIRECTION TO WHERE WILL THE WINDS LEAD IT TO!!!

 

To others they may say SOMEONE BETTER WILL COME but 

When it comes to LOVE I only know and recognize two words.. I give my heart to ONLY ONE and I can stand by it. If the love that I have given was LOST BY SOMEONE it will still REMAIN LOCKED inside my heart. I will be a Single Mom For The Rest Of My Life. 

 

On my Previous Post HE left a song :

It really made me cry. Thank You so much for everything. For making me and specially my kids happy.  Whatever happened you will always be a "GIFT" from God to me and my kids. FOR NOW, I NEED ALSO TO LEARN AND SEARCH MYSELF.
To all my blogger friends I will miss you all. I decided to leave my blogging world for a while. THANK YOU SO MUCH for all of your time and friendship. I won't be around to inspire you all but each and one of you remains to have a special part in my heart.

I have always ask God..Lord I am proud to say I have been a good girl and never abused or hurt anyone but why are these things happening in my life? Why can't ANYONE JUST STAY WITH ME FOREVER? The Answer: Because MAYBE I have always been SOOOOOOOOO OPEN to people and trusted people easily. I have to say GOODBYE for now friends. My mind is so confused and I really don't know what to do. 

 

WHY IS EVERYONE EVEN GOD TESTING ME OF HOW FAR I CAN GO?

 

Right now the only one that I could trust and 

HAVE is MYSELF AND

 SILENCE. 

From now on I don't want to let anyone ANYMORE be hurt or be stressed because of the pains and problems I am going through and I won't OPEN MY LIFE to anyone anymore!!!

Saturday, August 25, 2012

..letting him go..


I was inside my room last night. My left arm turned numb and I fainted. I woke up lying on the floor. I had a heart attack again but I have to crawl and get my medicine. I have no one else to turn to. The person whom I was expecting to be there was not there anymore even on phone..
I FAILED in another relationship again but still my kids needs me. It so hard starting each day without him anymore but I MUST TRY TO BE STRONG FOR MY KIDS.


I need to live for my kids. They have been also into too much pain now that another father has left them. Every time an airplane flies by my youngest son would say "dada" PLEASE COME HOME. They expected but THERE ARE THINGS NOT REALLY MEANT TO BE.


I AM LETTING HIM GO NOW. IF HE WILL BE HAPPY IN SOMEONE ELSE ARMS THEN I AM LETTING HIM GO.

I am not SELFISH SO I WON'T FORCE HIM TO LOVE US. I AM REALLY HURTING NOW and if he comes back then MAYBE WE WERE MEANT TO BE but if he doesn't come back then GOD KNOWS I HAVE GIVEN EVERYTHING TO HIM.

I have no regrets of loving him and letting him be a part of my life. My kids love him so much BUT I HAVE TO LET GO because I LOVE HIM. I CAN SACRIFICE MY OWN HAPPINESS JUST FOR HIM TO BE HAPPY WITH A MORE DESERVING WOMAN.


I DIDN'T QUALIFY ON HIS EXPECTATIONS. So if he will be happy in someone else THEN LET IT BE. IT HURTS BUT I LOVE HIM SO MUCH.. I WANT HIM ALSO TO BE HAPPY.

Right now I have to stay strong for my kids. I'LL STILL BE HERE ALWAYS FOR HIM EVEN BEING A FRIEND EVERY TIME HE NEEDS ME I'LL STILL BE HERE. I have to refocus myself because my kids needs me more than ever.


MY KIDS AND I REALLY MISS HIM BUT WE HAVE TO MOVE ON WITH OUR LIVES..I know deep inside HE LOVED US and even after what had happened he was still a blessing!!

 

I CAN'T FORCE SOMETHING THAT I WOULD LIKE TO HAPPEN IF IT WAS NOT REALLY MEANT TO BE..IT WILL STILL BE GOD'S WILL NOT MINE

broken..


My kids and I were hurt physically before but now I couldn't explain this pain I am feeling. I felt like dying slowly inside.

I was always strong because I love my hon so much. I fought for my life and was revived when I had a heart attack before because I know he was there waiting for me. He was my strength and my hope for a new family. My kids loved him so much that's why my heart is now bursting with pain. My hon and I broke up a couple of days ago. I have done something unintentional and it was really unintentional but then it ended the way I didn't expected it to be.

I am so sorry to tell you all about this but I am just alone in my real world. He has been my hope and my life.


The worst pain that I am into now my kids are asking always about there "dada" and it is so painful also for them because we expected that someday he will come and we will have a home. I AM NOW BLAMING MYSELF. I FAILED THEM AGAIN and as a Mom IT HURTS SO MUCH.

MY KIDS REALLY MISS HIM SO MUCH and I LOVE HIM SO MUCH..my world just CRUMBLED 

Honestly, I was thinking it was not hard for him to leave me because I DON'T DESERVE HIS LOVE. He has been a good father to my kids though at a distance we felt his love. Maybe because I was much older and I have two kids and he is single so it was not hard for him.


I WAS HOLDING ON TO HIS PROMISES that we will be together soon..I was waiting all this time..I REALLY MISS HIM SO MUCH..he is my world..he is my life!

I WILL STILL FULFILL MY PROMISE OF STAYING FOREVER..I will be a single Mom for the rest of my life..HE IS THE ONLY ONE WHO OWNS MY HEART and when I say FOREVER IT IS FOREVER.







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