** A Simple Gift **

I  know my love for you is not in vain

This tears will soon fall because of what I gain

I have no fears because I won't face life alone

With you I am no longer on my own.

Though I had walked a path of pain and strife

I still smile and feel blessed beyond compare

You and my kids are God's gift in my life

For you're my cherished treasures so rare.

I may not be the right girl you once planned

I may not be as young as those you once had

But what I can be proud offering to you

Is my purest love and to be forever true.

So many times you would always hear me cry

Often times you have witnessed my weakness

But those tears and fears brings out messages

Of me being afraid of losing you.

Twenty one months of longing for your presence
Seconds of wishful hopes for your embrace

My love for you still remains so strong
My promise of true love still lingers on.

If one day you find time and decide to come

My kids and I will be welcoming you

to Our "New Home".

Happy Birthday Hon .. We Love You ;)

✿Sie✿

From: Princess ___

From: Baby Prince ___

- he says he is sponge bob hehehe..he is only 3 but look *clap claps* -

- Dada means father *blink* -

Kindly Listen Hon..this is for you ;)

For all the times I wore my self pity like a favorite shirt All wrapped up in that hurt For every glass I saw, I saw half empty Now it overflows like a river through my soul From every doubt I had, I'm finally free I truly believe God gave me you to show me what's real There's more to life than just how I feel And all that I'm worth is right before my eyes And all that I live for though I didn't know why Now I do, 'cause God gave me you ;)

♥We are holding on to your promise..we love you so much..we will always be here waiting for you♥ ☺We don't know where the future may lead us but ..Whatever happens Hon ..THANK YOU.. for everything, for Giving me and my kids a chance to be happy and to be a part of your life .. we are blessed because God has given us pure joy through YOU .. of all the ups and downs that we have been through I have no regrets making you as one of the most important person in my life .. I love You so much Hon☺

♫ HAPPY HAPPY BIRTHDAY ♫

~Wishful Thinking..

All of us have our own dreams and wishes in life..Often times we have fears for our future and sometimes worrying what the future holds makes our lives more complicated.

As a person I could say I have always been hoping for my dreams to come true, I have many plans for my future..But because of the struggles that I have been through I have learned that having those fears and worrying won’t do anything. I have always searched for the answers to my many questions; I have been struggling of forcing my prayers to be answered on my own time..I have always focused on my future and the future of my kids..

Being a single mom is never easy..I never expected that this would ever happen in my life..I have never dreamed about this..It just came unexpectedly..Being hurt and trampled upon by people was never on my plan..But what will I do?..Will I just sit here and cry and cry and worry?..NO..It will just make my life worst and more confusing..

The best thing to do is to face the problem..Stand up and move on..Worrying won’t do anything..It will only cause confusion and doubt..Sometimes we just have to learn to believe and step out with faith..Look up..God is there and He will fulfill His promises..

 

Forget the past..stop digging those past hurts again..Let go of those fears and Hold on of what I have now. I have always focused on what the future may bring..On my dreams..

 But now I think it is time for me to slow down and breathe.

 I am not saying this because I stopped on hoping..and I got tired of waiting ..NO..the reason is I want to focus more of what I have now and Be Happy of whom I am with me now..My dreams are just there and it will come..

 I have wished to have a simple house with a wide lawn..But what I wanted is not just a house..

 But a Home..With my family having our true happiness together..

I have my own dream of being a bride and wearing this beautiful wedding gown..

But what I really wanted was someone to take care of me and my kids..A true partner in life and not just a companion..Someone who will truly love and be there no matter what life may bring..To be my strength and someone who will stand up beside me..For richer or for poorer..for better or for worst..till death do us part..Not just mere words but fulfilling every word into action.

I am Secured that God will answer my prayers and will give the desires of my heart..Some of my dreams may come true..some may not..I don't know where will the future lead us..I don't know until when will my life be..But I know He will give the best for us..

 What is more important for me now is to cherish every moment with my love ones..To give love and be there for them..They need more of my time and love now..To make each day happy with them..To live each day with CONTENTMENT..

The Future will come..what is more important is being Happy, Contented and Thankful of what and who we are with

Now!!

..A Warrior Behind a Mother's Last Cry**

"Being a mother is learning about strengths you didn't know you had, and dealing with fears you didn't know existed."  ~L. Wooten

 How can you forgive when you can see your kids still suffering because of someone’s rudeness and violence?

I am now crying while writing this post. Sorry friends..But I am living alone with my kids and now it is past 10 in the evening .. my kids are sleeping .. it is only just my lappy and me. I am now sitting on our sofa with lights off. My eyes are swelling and I feel totally weak inside. My heart is totally bursting with anger and I have no one to tell it too right now.

I was changing the clothes of my 3 year old before he goes to sleep. Then he suddenly cried. I asked him why baby?..He can’t utter clearly the words I have to hear but he showed me an action of a “pitik” or an act of someone who flicks his fingers on his arms and then my baby cried and cried and said “aw” or it is painful mom. I cried and hugged my baby boy so tight.  My X has abused me and specially my kids physically. He would “pitik” or pushes a flip of his fingers on my baby boy’s arms until my baby boy’s arms turn red and cried.

 The worst that he did was when my daughter was still 4 yrs. old he carried my daughter from down stairs and when they were upstairs he threw my daughter on our bed and then he pulled both of her arms up and down and she was screaming because her head was having bumps on our bed while being pulled up. I was crying because I was so afraid that the arms of my daughter would be injured or fractured.I was stopping him and even slapped his face but he was so strong and he was like an evil person hurting her. 

 He will hit her with his belt’s buckle but I immediately ran and hugged my daughter and I was the one being hit at my back. He was hurting them without the influence of alcohol or drugs.He often does it when he gets irritated and tired from work. When my daughter was 6 yrs. old I saw him attempting to hit her head with a bucket and my daughter ran inside our comfort room and I found her shivering in fear and crying..in trauma..at such a young age.There were nights when both of my kids would have nightmares because of what he has done and as a Mom it really hurts..it breaks my heart..

I was so afraid to come out in the open. I was so afraid to have a broken family. But I decided and I will stand up with my decision..I filed an annulment .. “It would BEST  for me to have a broken family than my kids and me being broken in the end.”

In my previous post yesterday-reflections .. I have shared to all of you how I was treated when I was young. My Mom also physically abused me and now seeing my kids having nightmares because of a rude person that was supposed to take care of them it gave me  so much pain. I was physically abused but the deepest hurt that caused me was seeing my kids suffer more than what I have been through when I was young.. he has never been a husband to me..and worst he is their real father BUT he  has never been a father to my kids..he  should have taken care of us but he didn't..

I am a Mom and my kids are one of my strings of life..he doesn't deserve our love..I don't want even to see a shadow of that X..I love my kids so much..I will risk my life and do everything for them..I won’t let anyone hurt them again.. NEVER again!!! 

Lord, I know you are there..Please hear me..Please kindly take care of my kids..they are so precious to me..listen to a mother's cry..always be there for them.. 

**to all of my friends..kindly listen..this song has always inspired me to hold on**

To my kids: Don't worry and have no fear..I am here..I will always be with you .. YOUR MOM IS MUCH STRONGER NOW ..  I won't cry anymore..my sadness is over  
Our pains will surely pass..we will be happy..I Love You :)

**Blessed with a Miracle..

“Don’t let your miracles become monuments”

 I have heart failures and I have a bicornuate uterus – a heart shaped one..it is a rare case..and it gives me a high-risk pregnancy. I had miscarriage once and I nearly died. Doctors said that it would be too risky for me to have a child.

 

  When God blessed me with my eldest I was bleeding and was hospitalized several times. I was talking always to my child to hold on and fight because I want her to live. When I gave birth my eldest was pre-mature-she was seven months. The doctors was amazed because she need not to be in an incubator because her lungs were so strong regardless of her being pre-mature and me being weak when I had pregnancy.

 My second child came and he was again pre-mature-eight months. I was a lot stronger but the risk was still there. My baby boy was healthy but I was the one at risk. My parents were worrying why I was on the delivery room for long hours. I was literally shivering inside the delivery room. I don’t know if I was overdosed of the anesthesia or because of my heart ailment..but I indeed felt I was leaving.

 Here are few facts about having a bicornuate uterus:

What is a bicornuate uterus? A uterus is supposed to have only one chamber. When it has two champers or horns, it is known as bicornuate uterus. Such a uterus is either Y-shaped or heart-shaped. It is the result of fusion anomaly of the mullerian ducts during embryogenesis. Pregnancies in a bicornuate uterus are usually considered high-risk and require extra monitoring because of association with poor reproduction potential.

A bicornuate uterus is associated with increased adverse reproductive outcomes like:

• Recurrent pregnancy loss: the reproductive potential of a bicornuate uterus is usually measured by live birth rate (also called fetal survival rate). This rate is estimated around 63% for a bicornuate uterus.
• Preterm birth: with a 15 to 25% rate of preterm delivery. The reason that a pregnancy may not reach full-term in a bicornuate uterus often happens when the baby begins to grow in either of the protrusions at the top. A short cervical length seems to be a good predicter of preterm delivery in women with a bicornuate uterus.
• Malpresentation (breech birth or transverse presentation): a breech presentation occurs in 40-50% pregnancies with a partial bicornuate uterus and not at all (0%) in a complete bicornuate uterus.

 I have given birth to my two angels with ceasarian delivery and it was indeed a miracle. Time passed by and because of my own personal hurts and painful experiences.. I forgot and took for granted my kids for a while. I still had time with them but not that much. There was a time when I was so  depressed and I forgot ..A " miracle" that God has given in my life.

   Now, even if it is only the three of us I have never been so bonded with my kids. I learned that no matter what you have been through, no matter whose fault it was; no matter how impossible our situation may look the good news is God will restore everything. He will restore my broken dreams..

Maybe we once were excited about a person that God has given to us. But now we have been accustomed as making it as a routine and sometimes we take them for granted.

Friends don’t allow that sense of miracle to slip away. Don’t get so familiar with each other that you take someone for granted. Don’t take for granted the greatest gifts that God has given us. Let us learn to take care of them because they are a blessing..

 ..there are many miracles that happen in our lives..many instances that God has sent someone to touch our soul..may we not forget to be grateful to Him and may we cherish and love the "miracles" that has been given to us :)

well I believe in miracles..so I want to have more babies  weeeee..

..if the world breaks your heart

I will still be here believing in you

..if you need someone whom you can hold on to

I Am Here

..I'll always be here,You Can Come To Me..

``usual sadness..

Have you felt being neglected? Sometimes the most hardest and hurting part is feeling neglect from the persons you love. I am an only child.. But often times I feel hmp.. I was sick these past few days and I received a text from my mom.. “Take care of yourself because we can’t be there.”

Few days from now it will be my birthday and as usual they will always say. "We are sorry we can’t be there because we have meetings to attend to our church. Your papa is busy doing his work." They usually do that even on special occasions when I was young.

 I remember them saying “we promise we will go out and watch a movie if you have perfect grades”. It was not the movie I was after but the bonding that we may have. I got a perfect exam and yeah as usual “we couldn’t go because we forgot we have something to do in our church”. They always go home late and I was cooking my own food and eating my dinner alone..

 There was only one time that I celebrated my birthday for which I felt special. When my mom came home from Saudi and I was 7 yrs.old.all of my relatives are there..One big happy family. But after it seems like all of them forgot my birthday. Nothing was special..

 Can I beg even for just on my birthday you can spend it with me? even just for one day on my day..I am living with my kids, only the three of us..so nothing it’s just I’m hoping my love ones would come on my birthday. I never asked for material things just a tight HUG would do.

 Good thing I have my kids with me..I'll spend my birthday with them..

 But then again anyway I am used to it. Sorry friends just getting a bit emotional..just pouring out my feelings..

..maybe I just have to get enough sleep..it will soon pass..