** On My Way Home ..

Why are humans designed to be young and beautiful and then become weak and old as time goes by? I think God has planned the strength and beauty of youth to be only physical. We gradually lose the strength and beauty that is temporary so we can focus more on the strength and beauty that is forever. To leave temporarily the physical part of us and be truly seeking for our eternal home.

Each of us may have celebrated our birthdays and we can't stop time but we all can learn to appreciate each day that God has given us. I will have my own time of facing my Creator and my physical beauty will soon fade BUT I AM GRATEFUL because I KNOW I had a CHANCE TO MAKE PEOPLE FEEL LOVED, IMPORTANT AND SPECIAL.

My heart pains are getting stronger again but I chose to fight with it alone and silently .. But  I AM STILL HAPPY because with this sickness and with every second of my life I learned NOT TO FOCUS ON MY OWN HAPPINESS .. I AM JUST HAPPY because I KNOW when I will leave this earthly home I HAVE NO REGRETS .. I HAVE GIVEN ALL MY LOVE AND I HAVE MADE SOMEONE HAPPY .. WITH THIS I HAVE SERVED MY PURPOSE IN MY LIFE.

We are all ANGELS in one's life .. May we NEVER GIVE UP caring and loving. TIME may not be in our hands BUT we can choose HOW to use it while we are still here.

 Lord, I'll be forever grateful for this life that you have given me. It has been a hard journey but I am thankful because you have given me a chance to share the love you have blessed me with. Thank you for my kids, for my hon , my parents and my friends.

 

 

 To You I surrender everything because I believe in my heart you allow things to happen because it is how it should be. I have so many wishes in life but I am tired forcing it to come my way..from now on Lord I'll just "let it be" and let days just pass me by. I'll stop expecting and just be happy on each new day you have given. 

To all of my friends : Thank You for your mails and prayers. I won't be writing as often as before..I need to rest.. but I'll still be here..I'll be visiting  your sites and reading you every now and then. Thank You for being a part of my Life's Journey ;)

**I Was Wrong and I Learned It The Hard Way..

Do you ever looked down on yourself? I admit that I have always felt unimportant, worthless, incompetent and rejected. Most of my life I have lived inside my lonely little world and I have always locked myself from other people. I always hide myself from groups of people pretending that I am invisible and making sure I won't get noticed. If you have been my long time friends here in blogger you know my story behind why. Maybe because of the painful childhood and abusive experiences that I had. My mind was set that people often abuse me when I show kindness to them.

I often looked at myself as a "nobody" to everyone. One failure was like a big deal to my own self. Behind these emotions was me saying to myself  " I can survive by my own self and I needed no one ". I could say I am really good in auditing functions when I was working and Yes even on every persons life. I often see someone's fault so easily and say I can do it on my own. I became a person who always hate imperfections and when I FAIL my loved ones I feel worthless and unimportant.

These past few days my world turned black and I felt like I was drowning in depression again. I felt I FAILED because of all the mistakes that I have done. Depression almost killed me. I can't sleep and I had nightmares haunting me again. A black Shadow coming back and stealing my life away from me. ALL those past hurts came back even from my childhood, all those hurting words and physical abuse that I had, all those hurting words and people who have abused me, all of those painful words where ringing inside my head.

I was about to give up my life that night. I was vomiting because of depression and I couldn't eat. I just felt so alone and so Weak! Maybe all of you are saying I am so dramatic but I can't explain the damage that pain has caused into my life. I tend to Blame people of the pains that I went through. 

 I WAS COMPLETELY WRONG. I am part to blame of these pains that I had. I need a MAJOR CHANGE in my life. That same night after I prayed and asked God's help He made me see that I can't be a loner forever. That He sees me as a person of worth and of value. He uses people to make me feel and see the changes that I should do in my life. My hon always says and teaches me to stand firm and NEVER let anyone abuse me again. My HON is right, because if there ARE things lacking in my life now it is to LEARN to FIGHT and not to permit anyone to trample on me again and TO LOVE WITH ONE'S IMPERFECTIONS. My KIDS taught me UNCONDITIONAL LOVE. I have been easily irritated and angry at times but they have always been their to comfort and dry my tears when I needed them.

I am learning to be CONTENTED on what others can give and NOT TO EXPECT TOO MUCH!!!

As the days go by I can say the "REAL ME" is still healing!!! I am imperfect, each day is a learning process for me and Sie is still Growing and Hoping ;)

**My heart's journey..

Once on my life's long journey

I was raised with all of my life planned

A tool to be perfect was always on my hand

Grasping every learning chart that come

Following what they want me to become.

Transforming me to be a river flowing clean

Bringing forth a perfect daughter to be seen

Everything that I did by myself was wrong

They made me believe it was for me to be strong.

Growing up with my soul on a dusty shelf

Looking down so small on myself

Waiting for my happiness giving stream

To quench my thirst of my life reviving dream.

Now as I turn my life pages

I saw what I lost in ages

Clouded with dark tomorrow's fears

Endless pouring down of my weakening tears.

Once I stumbled on my wishful dream

But my hope for love never failed to beam

I thought darkness took my chance

But he came in an unexpected glance.

Though I was imperfect and torn in his eyes

But still he loved me and listened to my cries

He melted my soul full of frozen fears

Locked my heart with his love for years.

Though all was unplanned in my kingdom

Through imperfections I had my freedom

I had failures on my hurtful dark past

But still I believe for destined love to last.

I have also my dreams to love forevermore

To build a home with him on a happy shore

Never to see again a painful cloud in our sky

No more shadows and tears to dim my eye.

                                                                ✿Sie✿

 

weeeeeeeee..this is the cutest video I have ever seen..I am in cloud 9..love love love ;)

image source: blingee and photobucket.com

**Through My Eyes..double acrostic poem

Music dances with the beat of our hearts

Yearning for the immortal notes of love

Evolving through this melody of twists and sway

You and I have found harmony to thrive

Endless steps and fearless swings made us stay

Seeing through my eyes, our dance of love on it's lifetime rhythm

“Dance as though no one is watching you. Love as though you have never been hurt before. Sing as though no one can hear you. Live as though heaven is on earth.”

 ~♥Sie♥~

Written for: Quiet Angel Beany @ Beanizersinstincts

Special thanks to:

Sui generis writer @imaginative spiral

~~double acrostic poem~~

**The 'double' part comes into play 

when the first letter of each line contains

the last letters with the same word..it can be
with same form or backwards.**
..this my first try so it is short uhuhu..

image source: blingee and photobucket.com

♥ Answered Prayer.. A Journey to my Home ♥

  It takes hands to build a house, but only hearts can build a home

 When I was young I always prayed for a happy home. I am an only child but I never enjoyed my childhood years. My family had financial problems then and I became the shock absorber of every problem that my Mom had. I was bitten with no cause; everyday I went to school with slashes on my body and tears that I always hide from every person that I meet. I had bitterness and it took years before my emotional hurts where healed. I had experienced pain from what I have called to be our home.

 Such that when my teachers would always ask. What are your dreams for your future? My answer would always be. I don’t dream for riches and power in life what I only want is to have a happy family of my own.

Years had gone by and I had a chance to have my own home. But the home that I hoped for was broken and my dream was shattered to pieces. My kids and I were physically and emotionally abused by someone whom we believed should have taken care of us. 

 

 As a mom it is an incomparable pain to see your kids being hurt by someone and as a child being abused before it gave me unbearable  pain.

 Now, my dream of having a happy home adds up of having a complete home..Sometimes I often ask myself when and will my dreams be fulfilled?

 I have heart failures and everyday I pray that God will give me another day. Another day to hope that there will be a brighter future ahead of us. Another day to make a person smile and feel loved. Another day to be with my kids and my quiet angel making them feel loved and special.Another chance to build my new home.

 I filed an annulment and Finally  it is now approved by our courts. I feel happy and renewed, it did not only gave us freedom but it brought  justice to every kid,mother and woman that there would never be a right reason for hurting anyone specially your family..

  Every single day for me is very important because we don’t know until when will our life be. I learned to cherish every moment that I have with my kids and my quiet angel.

Each of us has our own story to tell. Each of us has our own journey to take. And each of us has our own destiny to make. We can’t escape every circumstance that comes in our lives. We can’t expect everything to go on our way.

 But one truth will always remain..ourselves..Are we going to stop and give-up or are we willing to move on and take one-step further?

For me, I have decided to hold on. To stay. And to move on. I know it is still a long journey but deep inside me says. Move on for I hope and pray that one day I would see my kids saying thank you mom for being the best mom. I would see even my grandchildren.

  I would have my husband to be beside me and..

  our kids moving on to the journey

 ...of what I call..Our Home...

God will give the desires of our hearts..one answered prayer at a time ♥♥♥

forward always forward I'll go..what a Journey It Has Been :)

( My Friends..PLEASE watch the video)

To my parents thank you for supporting me financially on my annulment . To all of my friends who have prayed thank you so much for your kind words and for having time to include me in your prayers..I really appreciate it thank you so much ;)

♥ stronger inside ☺

*But think again..

 Smooth roads never

make good drivers.

Smooth seas never

make good sailors.

Clear skies never

make good pilots.

A problem free life never

makes a strong person.

Many of my friends here have known my real life stories. Each of my blessings and struggles in life has been written here in my site. All of you have been a witness of my ups and downs in life.

Of all the pains that I have been through sometimes I have said that life was so unfair. I have not harmed any people in my life but why it seems like the whole world has hated me. I have always questioned our Lord Why? BUT now I realized that God allowed these situations to happen in my life to make me strong inside.

               If I was not left alone. I won’t learn to love and value myself more.

If I was not left alone with my kids and if I didn't file an annulment  because of domestic violence

I won’t be this strong in fighting for our rights and loving them 

with the love that they should deserve.

If I didn’t let go. I should have lost the opportunity of loving someone

Who is worth more of my love.

If I have not experienced hurt and betrayal..I won’t learn to trust more.

If I didn’t give myself a chance to love. I wouldn’t realize that I was also

Worth of being loved in return.

If I didn’t hold on to the  love that I have now. I won't discover True love and I won’t be so happy

With the man that deserves all my love.

Below are the links of my previous post ; not just to know me better but to be a living testimony to all of you that all of us go through our own pains but all of it will surely pass. God is good because of all the struggles in my past life. God has now blessed me with people and things more than what I have prayed for. I have still unanswered prayers in my life but I believe all will come on its proper time. 

  
My life is a living proof. All of the situations in our lives are just a part of our journey. Life can be so unfair at times and sometimes we have to learn it the hard way but in the end we will be smiling. Because looking back we have just thought that it was done for a purpose. It is a part of what we call Life. 

 Previous post:

A warrior behind a mother's last cry

When life doesn't make sense

Reflections

  

♥ ♥ ♥

Our Most special day
Acceptance
Always and forever
Blessed with a miracle

☺ ☺ ☺

Trials are not the reason to give up but a challenge to improve ourselves.

Difficulties are not excuses to back out but an Inspiration To Move Forward.

Something, somewhere, that I long to find
I am learning, slowly, one day at a time
That if I loose and fail, I'll be fine

I'm moving on
And I'm gonna get stronger now
And nothing will break me down
I will not give in to doubt
Those days are gone
I can be who I wanna be
And start living my life for me
I believe it finally
I'm moving on

..Realization~

Does this thought disturb you?  Many of us fail to appreciate those persons that have really loved us. We often neglect them and oftentimes even abusing their kindness and understanding to us. Some of us forget those old friends or people who have helped us when someone new comes along. Sometimes because we think it was ok for them to just leave them there and go back if we needed them. We failed to see the true value and importance of that person in our lives.

 Until one day when we lose them. Then we will feel regret of not treating them the right way. We will feel regret of not loving them in return when we have still time. Regretting the moments that we should have been there with them but we were busy doing our own stuffs.

Our Lord has given us people who will take care of us and for us to love them back. But some of us just take them for granted. Until one day we will wake up and realized that those precious gems that where given to us are gone.

Life is so short and it can go just with a tiny bit of a second. We don’t know what will happen next. So let us make each day a happy moment and cherish each moment with those persons who deserve our love before we end up in regret!!

From my special friend Beany : Appreciating is an easy task, keeping someone's value is harder. Rejection causes pain. Pain leads to realization. Realization is not known at the beginning, it is always waiting at the end..for us to learn and become better for those who truly deserve us.

When was the Last Time You have said I Love You, Thank You Or I Miss You to Your Love One?  When was the last time you have given them a Hug or just a simple call? Today may just change everything most specially when they have been waiting for it  *blink blink*  :)

To ALL those people who have showed me love..THANK YOU SO MUCH for being a part of my Life..this song is FOR ALL of you :)