Monday, December 19, 2011

~ My Heart Cries..

A Silent Battle

Sadness abound
Bitter heart mourning
Her smile shines everyday radiantly
Making everyone feel her kindness and love endlessly
She laughs but she keeps her innermost painful secrets behind her teary eyes
Treasuring her life with every sound of the clock ticking, waiting for her family to come
A daughter who always hungered for a mother's love to be her home
An only child abused physically, secluded and wounded
Soberly anticipating for this season
Once again forsaken
Deeply hurt


..please don't copy my poems..

Based on: My Life Story

Sorry friends if my Fibonacci is sad. I wrote this when I received a text from my parents telling me they couldn’t come this holiday season. They said at first they will try there very best to come here on December 26 to 30 but they can’t come on the 25th and they needed to go home on the 31st, leaving me and my kids alone celebrating this season. I have plans to go to my hometown but I have to travel six to seven hours and since I have heart failures I can’t travel alone with my kids.

I am so sad because I am their only child, I have celebrated my birthday and my kids birthday just the three of us. Now it is holiday season and still they couldn’t come. I am not selfish but I am deeply hurt of their reason for not coming.

Their reason always was-they are busy with their schedules and they have lots of meetings to attend to. My parents are elders of a Christian church and they would always say they couldn’t absent themselves.

Now they are not sure if they can come because a certain bus company has been disapproved of it’s franchise and there are no reservations. I am just wondering how can they put their church first before their family. I am their only child and now a single Mom - they know the traumatic experience we have been through and they just neglected me. Though I was used to it even when I was young I still hunger for their comfort and love.

But I will always be their daughter and I still love them. I will be hoping and waiting.



  1. My dear sis, I understand how you feel,daughter who is longing for love, who need and missed her parents so much.. please don't be sad.. We are here for you,. Sometimes our parents thought we can always understand, but I know and I beleive even if they told you they can't, still they will find ways to visit you and your kids there to surprise you..:) Or if you wish to visit them, we can go together with my kids too so that we can accompany you while on way, what do you think?? Hmmmm..:)

    And, remember your not alone, you have your kids and q.a with you there right? Please don't be sad, coz I feel sad too, tsige ka, cry na rin ako dito..:(

    Keep on smiling:)Everythig would be fine.. okay? God bless sis!:)

  2. @Sagittarian-hello ate..I can't go home po because my daughter will have classes on January 3..just feeling a little bit sad because they have more priorities..anyway ate thank you po ;)

  3. My heart cries for you, my dear Sie :'( Don't be concerned about this one being sad because we must write from happiness and from pain. I believe that it gives our writing an integrity which reaches the hearts of those who read it ♥

    This is another *amazing* Fibonacci! You have penned it beautifully and presented it with such dignity and grace which is YOU! I am in complete awe of your writing talent *hugs*

    I hereby crown you, "The Fibonacci Queen" for successfully completing three spectacular, true stories! If I could abandon my rhymes instead of driving myself nuts over them (he he) then maybe I could post more. I could only hope that my future ones will be as poignant as yours :)

    Thank you for sharing more of your story, heart and beautiful words with all of us, once more.

    P.S. ~ I'm loving the falling snowflakes and the warm feel of Christmas here *smiles* I appreciate the special mention but you are the Queen of your 'show' now, my dear *blinkie*

    Your big sis loves you lots! ~x0x*♥*x0x~

  4. Oh that's so sad. My papa came home from Italy the other day but my sister stayed behind. I think I know what you mean. Coz even when my papa came home, it's just different when the family is not complete. I miss my sister. This season is all about family... I felt your sadness Sie...
    I'm so sorry...


  5. Hey Sie

    I'm so sorry about that. I tell you what, you are so special sis, don't be sad, you have so many people around you that love you =) like me! I'll be honest with you, I know its hard, I probably be crying a lot, but think of it in that way, their are so many other children neglected, they don't even have parents. Also, I heard about this little boy who was severely abused by his mother when he was a child, still his mother was crazy till he grew up, he says that he loves her still. He wrote a book about his childhood called "it," to share his story to the world...what I can say, See, his an angel! And you are an angel too! You are always strong and patient. God is always there for you. Everything will be accountable at the end. I love your poem, it's really sad but well written. =)
    You've got your kids and your (quiet angel) =) spend some time with them. Definitely you can be a better parent and soon a wife! =)!
    You always cheer me up in my blogs <3 this shows how much you care for your friends, so you see how special you are =D

    Take care, I love those snow flakes! =P
    I send you some love and Have a happy holiday
    take care

  6. @Princess Fiona-oh Ms.Fiona I am not the queen of fibonacci..ah where's my crown wahahaha..I don't know also why all of a sudden when my emotions are there..I just sit and write my thoughts in a fibonacci pattern..I really don't write poems Ms.Fiona as I always said it is quiet angel who write poems excellently..both of you have inspired me to write hehehe..both of you are a positive way ok *blink*

    I guess I have found another way to pour out my emotions..thank you Ms. Fiona..and I am not a queen of fibonacci..YOU ARE..

    I am just a student with an excellent mentor-YOU and I am just a woman with an inspired heart because of QUIET ANGEL weeeeeeeeee ;)

    love you Ms.Fiona *hugs hugs* from your little sis ;)

  7. @White witch-hello Heidi..maybe I just miss my whole family there..they just finished their reunion last Sunday but I was not able to attend..thank you for your visit Heidi..I really appreciate seeing someone from my hometown and thank you for the previous pix on your site;)

  8. @Dana ML-hello sis Dana..*hugs hugs* I am have touched my heart with every word you have said..

    I have been always saying I am ok..I have forgiven my mom on what she did when I was a kid..but honestly now that I feel neglected again..those wounds are starting to bleed again.

    I have been physically abused like that author you have just mentioned and like him even when I feel forsaken many times not only from my parents but from many people I still love them.

    This is me sis Dana..I guess even if my heart is full of emotional cries from my past I still have this joy of sharing my love to other people.

    Yes I am still blessed I have my kids and quiet angel..they are the only reasons why I am still holding to my life now and fighting every pain that I have.

    Thank you sis Dana..*hugs hugs* huh huh..duh can I wiggle while crying wahhhhhhhh..

  9. I'm sorry to hear what you go through, Sie. As I always tell you,you're a strong woman and will overcome this feeling. In any religious celebration, family always comes first and being able to gather with everyone else is such a joy. May be due to some reasons we're unable to do so. It could be temporary. Anyway, my heart goes out to you. I empathize with you and I do feel the pain when your loved ones aren't able to be with you. Furthermore, you're the only child and have gone through a traumatic period of life, so it's understood you need more attentions from those closest to you. Be patience, my friend. Let's pray for more better days ahead.

    I mustn't forget to compliment the nice look of your blog. It's so fitting in this festive season. :)

  10. @Balqis-hello Balqis..thank you for your kind words..I don't know maybe I feel this way because this is the time when I needed someone know a real embrace just to pour out all your fears and hurts. Even just a hug will do.

    thank you Balqis..yes just in time for this Christmas season hehehe ;)

  11. your fibonacci is beautiful..
    and love...just hang in there...they will come around... they love you too... so hold on a little longer :)

  12. You have stated some great facts here and not to get personal, whether family or church comes first is a question many people should ask themselves.

    All will be well Sie and I am sure you will have a great time with your kids and most of all, maybe your parents will not be there for Christmas, but god will be there for you. Take care Sie.

  13. @Confused Soul-hello confused soul..thank you..yes I have to hold on a little longer..but sometimes questions just keeps on coming and wounds from my childhood keeps on haunting me again..thinking if they really love and care for me..thank you for your visit Confused soul..I really admire your poetry ;)

  14. @Nava K.-hello Ms.Nava *hugs*..yes I hope so Ms.Nava..sometimes huh sadness and being neglected just keeps on tearing me inside silently..thank you for your visit Ms.Nava ;)

  15. How I understand you Sie, how my heart aches for you and your little ones. Christmas is just a family time.My thoughts and prayers are with you. My parents too were planning to come this year as the two previous years have been tough for us, we were not talking much as my family could not get to the idea of me and my husband planning to get married and all. This year after the wedding I really hoped we would be all together to celebrate this year, but they did not look for plane tickets and afterwards it was too late and too expensive. And my husband is still in Egypt. So I can relate to your situation very much.
    But there will be better years. I too think one day my family will do a step towards me, accepting me the way I am, but I also know I should not hope much, because they love me but they are the way they are, maybe it's all I need.
    Take care my dear sister. Remember the sun shines always after the darkness and God sends a beautiful rainbow to remind you of his unconditional Love.

  16. oh! hugs Sie, i am sorry i have not visited you for a while. anyway, cheer up girl! make the most of the holidays with your kids, with or without your parents. maybe your parents have commitments which they cannot decline but it does not mean you are being neglected :)

  17. I'm glad you feel touched! Just stay strong always ^.^ and don't cry too much...=P *hugs*

  18. @Marie Harmony-hello sis*hugs hugs*..I am really so emotional at this time sis..honestly I have no close friends in my real world..I have no one to voice out my sad feelings..

    I am also hesitant to be open about my innermost hurts because I don't want to share my burdens to anybody so the least thing I can do is voice out through my writings.

    This is me sis Marie..maybe I really get this emotional because I have not felt there love when I was young and now, I am just hurt of them making their church as their top priority. They have not been here Marie on the special occasions and the times when I needed them the most.

    thank you sis..this will surely pass..just pouring out my emotions sis..thank you for your visit..much love from me sis Marie :)

  19. @Ms. Joy-hello po Ms.Joy..ok lang po I know you are busy po..they have not visited us Ms.Joy on several occasions and my kids are even asking why..I know they love me but maybe they have their own priorities..thank you for visiting Ms.Joy ;)

  20. @Dana ML-thank you sis Dana..*hugs* ;)

  21. "I am just hurt of them making their church as their top priority" - I understand it so much Sie. I think being with the ones you love is much more important, mostly around this part of the year and when our loved ones are facing trials and are in pain. They love you Sie, this is for sure. But they love you a different way you love them. It's hard to realize what you would do for others, they would not be ready to do for you. I have been in pain for 3 years before understanding it, before accepting it was like this and I should never ever give up on spreading as much love as I could. If others can't follow I have to remain faithful to God and forgive them.
    Much love......sent you some words of comfort. xxxxxxxxx

  22. @Marie Harmony- sis you have just said the true reason why I have been crying helplessly.."it's hard to realize what you would do for others, they would not be ready to do for you" have just siad the right words behind my tears. My parents have been looked up by their members..they have been helping them and they have been counselling and being their for their members when they are sick.

    They know I have heart failures, and it is the worst situation that I don't like to be in again. My left arm would turn numbed and my nails just turned purple and I was shaking on my own..I didn't know what to do at that time sis..I just kept on praying and asking God to be there for me for my kids and quiet angel. I love my kids and quiet angel so much Marie..that I am willing to go through this pain and fight just to be there for them.

    When I am sick they will just text and ask are you want us to go there? but tell us before hand so we can schedule our church meetings so I go..I will be ok though I am weak.

    On special occasions they would say..we are sorry we can't be there because we have scheduled appointments..huh it is just like I know they have the same reasons over and over again.

    *just pouring out my grudges sis..this will pass huh..just on emo mode again..thank you sis for always being there..can you come out of my lappy and just give me a hug..hehehehe..I miss you sis ;)*

  23. reading this post makes me want to cry..hugs and kiss here Sie...just wait they will surprise you one day...was here SIe..Merry Christmas...:-)

  24. @Genny-hello Genny..thank you for being here..yes I know one day they will come and realize that I am still here waiting..thank you for your visit Genny ;)

  25. I Give you a BIG Virtual HUG. Close your eyes, feel it. I am always with you even with the distance that separates us. Much much much Love. Will pray God helps you through this hard time.

  26. @Marie Harmony-hmmmmmmm*hugs hugs*..thank you sis Marie..I replied on your mail..thank you so much sis..much love too ;)

  27. hi Sie, sorry , i really did not get that comment you told me about.. and i have change to a new crab, has to change weekly may be ha ha..
    Wishing you and family a very merry Christmas
    I hope you will have a great time with your two kids... they are the ones who can brighten up your festive days... dont stress ok dear.. always remember that.. lots of cookies or not??? i want some please..:)

  28. Please ,my lovely Sie.Don't feel hurt .I know you are missing them and want them to be together this x-mas.God is great .You have kids .Be there for them .Pay it forward.I love you so much


  29. Hi Sie - I'm SO sorry you were sad! I can only imagine how difficult it is. My parents - while I adore them and enjoy their company very much - have much of the same peculiarities. I just wish they had a happy balance that could include Christmas with you. I hope, despite this set back, that your Christmas ends up being Merry and Bright. You never could end up being terrific!

    Hugs to you, my friend!

  30. your friends have looooong messages! *blink blink*

    *holding hand* let's play with those snow flakes! don't be sad! we'll make ice cyeam *catching snow flakes* you want me to be snowman? cutest snowman??

  31. @cooking varieties-hello Wan..oh comment didn't show up on your site..maybe I should send some secret codes hehehe..yes Wan I will spend Christmas with my kids..and anyway it will surely pass..happiness can be experienced everyday with my kids and quiet angel..thank you for your greetings and I'll be waiting for the next crabby on your site..maybe a crab blinking hehehe ;)

  32. @Izdiher-hello sis..yes pay it forward..thank you for your you too sis and get well soon ok..*hugs hugs*

  33. @Ann-hello Ms.Ann..*hugs* is hard really times when some of their members get sick my parents are always there to comfort times of birthdays and special occasions they are always there..while they can't even spare just a little time for us..huh I can handle this..Sie is a wonder mom hahaha..thank you Ms.Ann and happy holidays..maybe I just have to pour out my time in cooking some of your recipe for this season ;)

  34. @Beany-*holding hand*..I don't like you to be my snowman because it can't move and it will be cold and freezy out there..can you just hold my hand and let's drink a cup of coffee in front of a fireplace..missing you ;) *hugs hugs hugs*

  35. Hi Sie, i'm sorry to hear about your news. I hope that your parents would still come, even for just a couple of days. Let's hope for a miracle. If they can't, you have your kids with you, your friends to celebrate the holiday season. Merry Christmas and smile, okay?

  36. Sie, don't be sad, you won't be alone. You will be with your lovely children. You also have us, all your readers who care about you so much. >:D<

  37. Sie

    hi... this is my 1st time here...i should have come earlier...

    dis fibonacci is really emotional & touchy...
    2nd pict. girl wipes her eyes in a cloth suits me well... knowing ur heart...

    u r so brave... am very happy to hope here...
    so happy & very proud 2 follow u...

    pls.. dont feel 4 anything... keep smiling always... May God bless u & ur adorable kids...

    thanks a lot 4 stopping by my blog & leaving such a sweet

  38. Aww.. :O Your fibonacci is nice. Stay happy, take care. :)

  39. Dear Sie, Your fibonacci is really beautiful but sad. I'm so sorry that your parents cannot be with you this Christmas. At least, you'll be with your beloved children. Even though they can't spend Christmas with you, know that they love you, in their own way. Sometimes, how we are loved is not up to our expectation, isn't it? Stay strong, Sie, your children love you and they need you.

    Sending you hugs, and much love.

  40. sissy, hugssssssssssssssssssss.. don't be sad, you see there are a lot of people here loves you. I know that christmas is approaching and we kind of sad,but I hope you'll pull yourself for your kids. The feeling will past, hay naku kahit ako malulungkot if wala ang parents, tradition kasi yun pag christmas. Kami din di kumpleto kasi wala dito yung sister ko, nag abroad kaya heto nagtiyaga sa skype hopefully this christmas makausap namin sya. Ate ganda, wag na lungkot, lungkot tuloy ako huhu.. Basta just enjoy your christmas with your kids.. hugsssssss for them.. and for you big big hugggggggggggggggg. Take Care ate :)

  41. @Pinx-hello Pinx *waving hand*..I hope so Pinx..what hurts me..sometimes I have to beg for their time..I know their church can understand but they are the ones huh I don't know Pinx..anyway Merry Christmas and kisses to baby Job ha..stay safe always ;)

  42. @Andreea-hello sis *hugs*how are you? I miss you here..yes I am use to it though..celebrating just the three of is sad but with them I must give all my time and love while I am still here..thank you sis *hugs* :)

  43. @Kalaiselvisblog-hello Kalai welcome to my did your fibonocci well also..Ms.Fiona will surely be proud of it..I guess Fionacci fever lingers on hehehe..hugs and hello to your baby ok ;)

  44. @Shreya-hello Shreya welcome to my site..thank you for your visit ;)

  45. @Inspiring always-hello Asni welcome to my site..yes my fib is is one way of releasing my emotions at this time..thank you Asni..yes I am blessed to have my kids who loves me dearly..thank you for your visit ;)

  46. @Chachucho-hellllllloooo sissy..I miss you so much are you? stay safe always ha..yes I am so sad but as I always say it is just one day it will pass just the other holidays that have passed by..but I learned to be contented of what I have now..I have my kids and quiet angel who deserves all my time and love..

    love you sissy..eeeeeeee..I can't help but have tears in my's your family sissy? is hard to be an only child sissy..wala akong makaramay dito huhuhu..

    thank you for being here sissy hmmmmmmmmmmmmm..hugs hugs hugs hugs ;)

  47. Hi Sie! sorry to hear that you not able to celebrate with you parent this year. cheer up and create good festive mood atmosphere for your kids. Merry Christmas and Happy New Year in Advance Sie.. you know I will be traveling on that day right? hehehe

  48. Oh Sie, you have your little angels to spend Christmas with, that's more than what I'd ask for. My daughter won't be with me this Christmas, but that's ok, my sister will be with me. So in your case, you won't have your parents with you, but you'll have your kids for the holidays.

    Cheer up! You have a lot of reasons to be happy :). Mwaah! Merry Christmas to you and your kids.

  49. @CindyRina-hello Rina..yes I am blessed to have such wonderful kids Rina..Merry Christmas too in advance and weeeeeee enjoy your trip..I'll be waiting for your pix ok *hugs* :)

  50. @Pepperific Life-hala why Peps?..ay I'd rather be with my one else can get them from me..and they won't go with them I always say each day with our kids is much more important than one Chrismas will pass..

    yes sis I have reasons tgo be happy..Merry Christmas too Peps *mwah* ;)

  51. Cheer up :) Don't be so sad! Have a great Christmas :) And SMILE!! :D
    Your writing is lovely :)

    Thank you for your comment..

  52. @Philo-have a great Christmas too Philo and thank you for visiting ;)

  53. Please don't be upset. You'll be be with your children and isn't that great ? I too haven't seen my parents for the last two years and won't see them at Christmas. It's very disappointing but looking on the bright side, I'll be spending Christmas with my gorgeous boyfriend. I'm sure your parents love you dearly. Everything will be alright. Happy Christmas!!!

  54. @Ash-yes Ash I won't be are blessed to have your boyfriend with you..stay happy and Merry Christmas too Ash..thank you for passing by ;)

  55. Hi sis, are you ok now? Hellooooooo...:)

    BTW, have you heard about stupid guy? yes, hahaha.. hope you can visit him at my blog, needs some advice from expert,lols.. just kidding..:) Thank you!:)

  56. @Sagittarian-no ate..I'll visit you later po kids are playing games using my lappy po ;)

  57. You're not have touched many in your small way - that includes me. LABYU SIE!

  58. @Joy Mendiola-hello Ms.Joy..Love you too po Ms.Joy..pls. always take care of yourself are always in my thoughts and prayers po..thank you po talaga Ms.Joy..*hugs* ;)


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