Thursday, October 1, 2015

Trials test the strength of our faith in Jesus, just as gold is tested and refined by fire. “Such trials show the proven character of your faith, which is much more valuable than gold—gold that is tested by fire, even though it is passing away—and will bring praise and glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed.”  1 Peter 1:7 NET

God wants us to have “Golden Faith”. Steady in the good times, committed in the bad times, trusting in our Savior and Lord, who promises to be with us even in the fire.


Autumn with Butterflies

Monday, August 31, 2015

life goes on

It has been three months and my exhusband have been delaying the money for my kids. I have been texting him but the only reply I get - I have no money because of sooooooooooooo many reasons. I am getting tired of receiving the same replies and I am left of seeing my kids suffering. The deepest pain that a mother can feel is seeing your kids suffering. My kids and I have already been physically abused and now our nightmares are still clinging in our lives even if I am annulled for five years now. The money of my kids have been delayed and now it is the birthday of my eldest kid and my exhusband called but the only word he said was I am sorry but I promise to give you money when I will have my salary because I had transferred to a new job. I just don't understand how can he eat while not thinking about the situation of his kids.

I have done everything of taking care of my kids and giving them the best love that they deserve I just pray that may the Lord touch his heart to give the finances for my kids. Why can't he do his part? We have been into too much pain.

I hate promises..I have heard a bunch even from my past relationship. I guess men are just like that. They will love you when you are whole and complete but they will leave you when you are of no use to them. I don't trust men anymore. I feel sooooooooooo scared of every man..of trusting and even being friends with them.

Huh!! Now I have to be stronger or the strongest for my kids and it is not just because I love them but because I have no choice but to be strong for them because I can't even think of leaving them to their father.

My lymph nodes are also swollen and I have fears of leaving my kids..Lord please hear my cries please..have mercy for my kids..make me stronger for them!

Monday, May 25, 2015

* relief *

None of us knows what tomorrow holds. Sometimes God's will involves us walking through hurt and pain. At other times we may have to choose the path of Letting Go no matter how painful it is because we know what is right.

Monday, May 18, 2015

still hopeful

Whatever my reasons are the best armor I can do to protect my Shattered Heart is SILENCE. I always believed that in everything God allows to happen has a reason. We meet people and they come and go in our lives. One reason is to make us feel loved or to hurt us for us to learn and become stronger. Love is the best emotion a person can have but it is also the greatest pain one can experience when it is over. My heart is still shattered but not totally damaged.

God has given me this time to maybe seclude myself from the outside world. I have been serving people and thinking on how I can help someone smile and encouraging them to be strong. All of my life I realized that I forgot the most important person - MYSELF. I will still continue to touch people and to be there for them but for now that I am so down and alone I think it is time for me to learn also to reward and love myself more. 

I am slowly rebuilding my heart because I believe that there is no such thing as a shattered heart but a heart that is learning to love more and be better. Forgiving myself from my past mistakes and for allowing those people to mistreat and fool me. It is not an easy journey but with one step of faith I know my heart will heal and learn to trust and love again. I still believe in love and I have to learn it the hard way.
"Letting go of someone dear to you is hard, but holding on to someone who doesn't even feel the same is much harder. Giving up doesn't mean you are weak! It only means that you are strong enough to let go!"

I guess the best thing I can do now is to Hold on and love people silently. I have been loud at times and vocal of my feelings but now I learned that the best way to let my heart heal is to be silent and just let this love be an inspiration for me to move on and still hope that there is a road to FOREVER. To let God be in control and let love find it's way back to my heart.

Still hopeful that my heart will sing this song someday. A song I usually sang way back in my college days and until now if I just want to feel loved even without someone special with me.



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