Monday, June 2, 2014
The most painful situation for a Mom was to see your kids feeling pain again. My kids specially my younger son have developed that special bond with him. My son is always asking and have been waiting even just for a simple text or call from a person he wished to be his father.
It is 1:30 a.m. and my 2 kids are sleeping while I am here awake and waiting, hoping for someone to call. I have never felt so alone and I have never felt this much pain. My kids and I waited for three years and expected him to come. My kids love him so much and we even prepared ourselves and planned what will we do when finally their "dada" will come. But as the days go by I felt that this dream will never become a reality. I am still waiting every night for his call but he didn't replied to all of my text and mails.
He had been busy with his work, time and distance have made my love to doubt if he did really loved me and my kids. He told me that I was adding up to his problems and that hurt me. I said goodbye not because I don't love him but because I don't want to stress him more. Honestly, I felt not important in his life.
All I ever wanted is to give the best for my kids. I failed them again because I have not given them the "dada" they wanted. I am so damaged right now not only emotionally but me as a whole. I couldn't even eat a meal and it is like an important part of me left me suddenly in silence. It is so hard to let go of someone you ever wanted in your life but you have to because you know he will be happier.
Maybe it is true..Am I such a bad woman to feel this pain..Maybe I don't deserve to be loved..I am also soooo tired of my life..I feel so broke and alone..I failed everybody :(
Thursday, October 4, 2012
Being a single mom is never easy. I am again inside my room alone with dim lights on and always with my best friends - my celphone and my lappy. This room has been my sanctuary and it holds all the secrets of my life.
I just feel so tired and I have lots of fears for my kids. As a Mom I am so worried for their future. I feel like Giving Up BUT I can't and I won't .. now that we are free from our past nightmares ..
I am still holding on because I know one day we will have our true happiness ..
I know God can hear my prayers and my every cry.
I am still Waiting and Hoping for each NEW day for US