** still hoping and wishing ..

Being a single mom is never easy. I am again inside my room alone with dim lights on and always with my best friends - my celphone and my lappy. This room has been my sanctuary and it holds all the secrets of my life.

I just feel so tired and I have lots of fears for my kids. As a Mom I am so worried for their future. I feel like Giving Up BUT I can't and I won't .. now that we are free from our past nightmares ..

I am still holding on because I know one day we will have our true happiness ..

I know God can hear my prayers and my every cry.

I am still Waiting and Hoping for each NEW day for US

Lord Please Comfort Me .. I love my kids so much .. Please Listen to my Prayers

 

  ..

** Silent Whispers ..

My life has always been an OPEN BOOK to everyone. I have ALWAYS BEEN TRUE AND REAL to anyone that comes my way. BUT NOW IT IS TIME TO CLOSE A CHAPTER OF MY LIFE. I have always given my TIME and LOVE to those people who deserves it. I have easily given my TRUST on a relationship even to my new friends but I STILL ended up SEEING THEM JUST COME AND GO!!!

I have always been inspiring other people to go on with their lives and be strong BUT now it is really hard for me to be strong. I CAN'T PRETEND to be someone else. I can't smile while I am hurting. I can't show happiness when I am drowning of sadness. I know LIFE GOES ON but right now my life is like an AUTUMN LEAF JUST FALLEN AND FLOWN BY THE WIND without ANY DIRECTION TO WHERE WILL THE WINDS LEAD IT TO!!!

 

 FOR NOW, I NEED ALSO TO LEARN AND SEARCH MYSELF.

To all my blogger friends I will miss you all. I decided to leave my blogging world for a while. THANK YOU SO MUCH for all of your time and friendship. I won't be around to inspire you all but each and one of you remains to have a special part in my heart.

I have always ask God..Lord I am proud to say I have been a good girl and never abused or hurt anyone but why are these things happening in my life? Why can't ANYONE JUST STAY WITH ME FOREVER? The Answer: Because MAYBE I have always been SOOOOOOOOO OPEN to people and trusted people easily. I have to say GOODBYE for now friends. My mind is so confused and I really don't know what to do. 

 

WHY IS EVERYONE EVEN GOD TESTING ME OF HOW FAR I CAN GO?

 

Right now the only one that I could trust and 

HAVE is MYSELF AND

 SILENCE. 

From now on I don't want to let anyone ANYMORE be hurt or be stressed because of the pains and problems I am going through and I won't OPEN MY LIFE to anyone anymore!!!

** On My Way Home ..

Why are humans designed to be young and beautiful and then become weak and old as time goes by? I think God has planned the strength and beauty of youth to be only physical. We gradually lose the strength and beauty that is temporary so we can focus more on the strength and beauty that is forever. To leave temporarily the physical part of us and be truly seeking for our eternal home.

Each of us may have celebrated our birthdays and we can't stop time but we all can learn to appreciate each day that God has given us. I will have my own time of facing my Creator and my physical beauty will soon fade BUT I AM GRATEFUL because I KNOW I had a CHANCE TO MAKE PEOPLE FEEL LOVED, IMPORTANT AND SPECIAL.

My heart pains are getting stronger again but I chose to fight with it alone and silently .. But  I AM STILL HAPPY because with this sickness and with every second of my life I learned NOT TO FOCUS ON MY OWN HAPPINESS .. I AM JUST HAPPY because I KNOW when I will leave this earthly home I HAVE NO REGRETS .. I HAVE GIVEN ALL MY LOVE AND I HAVE MADE SOMEONE HAPPY .. WITH THIS I HAVE SERVED MY PURPOSE IN MY LIFE.

We are all ANGELS in one's life .. May we NEVER GIVE UP caring and loving. TIME may not be in our hands BUT we can choose HOW to use it while we are still here.

 Lord, I'll be forever grateful for this life that you have given me. It has been a hard journey but I am thankful because you have given me a chance to share the love you have blessed me with. Thank you for my kids, for my hon , my parents and my friends.

 

 

 To You I surrender everything because I believe in my heart you allow things to happen because it is how it should be. I have so many wishes in life but I am tired forcing it to come my way..from now on Lord I'll just "let it be" and let days just pass me by. I'll stop expecting and just be happy on each new day you have given. 

To all of my friends : Thank You for your mails and prayers. I won't be writing as often as before..I need to rest.. but I'll still be here..I'll be visiting  your sites and reading you every now and then. Thank You for being a part of my Life's Journey ;)

** A Simple Gift **

I  know my love for you is not in vain

This tears will soon fall because of what I gain

I have no fears because I won't face life alone

With you I am no longer on my own.

Though I had walked a path of pain and strife

I still smile and feel blessed beyond compare

You and my kids are God's gift in my life

For you're my cherished treasures so rare.

I may not be the right girl you once planned

I may not be as young as those you once had

But what I can be proud offering to you

Is my purest love and to be forever true.

So many times you would always hear me cry

Often times you have witnessed my weakness

But those tears and fears brings out messages

Of me being afraid of losing you.

Twenty one months of longing for your presence
Seconds of wishful hopes for your embrace

My love for you still remains so strong
My promise of true love still lingers on.

If one day you find time and decide to come

My kids and I will be welcoming you

to Our "New Home".

Happy Birthday Hon .. We Love You ;)

✿Sie✿

From: Princess ___

From: Baby Prince ___

- he says he is sponge bob hehehe..he is only 3 but look *clap claps* -

- Dada means father *blink* -

Kindly Listen Hon..this is for you ;)

For all the times I wore my self pity like a favorite shirt All wrapped up in that hurt For every glass I saw, I saw half empty Now it overflows like a river through my soul From every doubt I had, I'm finally free I truly believe God gave me you to show me what's real There's more to life than just how I feel And all that I'm worth is right before my eyes And all that I live for though I didn't know why Now I do, 'cause God gave me you ;)

♥We are holding on to your promise..we love you so much..we will always be here waiting for you♥ ☺We don't know where the future may lead us but ..Whatever happens Hon ..THANK YOU.. for everything, for Giving me and my kids a chance to be happy and to be a part of your life .. we are blessed because God has given us pure joy through YOU .. of all the ups and downs that we have been through I have no regrets making you as one of the most important person in my life .. I love You so much Hon☺

♫ HAPPY HAPPY BIRTHDAY ♫

** Monday Gratitude - Marie Harmony .. life with my kids ~

Being a single Mom of two kids is never easy. Some may say being inside the house and taking care of kids is the easiest job a woman can get. Think again !!! I have experienced several people saying to me oh you are only taking care of your kids while me I have good career and I earn much. I just can't understand why do people look down on Moms staying at home. On my own experience I say being a Mom is the most challenging work any woman could have!!!

I am living only with my two kids in our home so I experienced being sick and waking up some nights on the floor because I fainted and had a slight heart attack again but I can't do anything but to stand up on my own and wake up the next morning cooking breakfast for my kids. I can't be weak because my kids needs me.

There are times when I am having my own problems in life and I cry and I needed someone to hug me at night or just hold my hand and let me feel that everything will be ok. But I need to set aside my own fears and dry my tears alone and learn to comfort myself because my kids are there needing for a strong Mom with a smile on her face each day.

It is not easy being a Mom and now a single Mom..but I am Grateful because I see my kids being raised the right way. My kids are so lovable, kind and caring. Seeing them each day growing and learning with them gives each moment pure joy. With them I learned to accept each day as a step by step process.

Through their eyes I saw HOPE of having a complete and happy family in the future. Through their unconditional love I learned to love back without expecting too much in return..just giving your purest and deepest love without any conditions. I have enjoyed my career before but nothing can replace my work of being a Mom.

I am so grateful because God gave me a chance to be a Mother, my kids are my biggest and greatest fulfillment in life.. I am Proud being a Single Mom!!!

Join Us every Monday with Marie Harmony's

 "Monday Gratitude - Open Your Heart To Love"
-- Diary Of A Heart In Transit --

Let Us all Start Our Week Right by giving Thanks and being Grateful

 Have a Blessed Monday Everyone ;)

..Seasons Of Love*

Spring flowers bloom each day

With free seeds of joy that say

True love made us stay

Autumn leaves may fall

Though temptations vainly call

Nothing shall enthrall

Through the frozen green

In my life's cold winter scene

Your pure love is seen

Then the sun did shine

With your all sufficient vine

My heart's strength divine

Seasons don't agree

Changes all around I see

But still you're with me

Morning, night or noon

I'll wait under the moon

To be with you soon

✿Sie✿

**Dana's Photo Inspiration..

original image here

  TRUE LOVE must be an Anchor in a Stormy Sea that will Hold On Tight and NEVER LET GO..even if TIME and DISTANCE brings CHANGE in each others lives.

Join us every Wednesday on Dana's Photo Inspiration 

@Pure

**I Was Wrong and I Learned It The Hard Way..

Do you ever looked down on yourself? I admit that I have always felt unimportant, worthless, incompetent and rejected. Most of my life I have lived inside my lonely little world and I have always locked myself from other people. I always hide myself from groups of people pretending that I am invisible and making sure I won't get noticed. If you have been my long time friends here in blogger you know my story behind why. Maybe because of the painful childhood and abusive experiences that I had. My mind was set that people often abuse me when I show kindness to them.

I often looked at myself as a "nobody" to everyone. One failure was like a big deal to my own self. Behind these emotions was me saying to myself  " I can survive by my own self and I needed no one ". I could say I am really good in auditing functions when I was working and Yes even on every persons life. I often see someone's fault so easily and say I can do it on my own. I became a person who always hate imperfections and when I FAIL my loved ones I feel worthless and unimportant.

These past few days my world turned black and I felt like I was drowning in depression again. I felt I FAILED because of all the mistakes that I have done. Depression almost killed me. I can't sleep and I had nightmares haunting me again. A black Shadow coming back and stealing my life away from me. ALL those past hurts came back even from my childhood, all those hurting words and physical abuse that I had, all those hurting words and people who have abused me, all of those painful words where ringing inside my head.

I was about to give up my life that night. I was vomiting because of depression and I couldn't eat. I just felt so alone and so Weak! Maybe all of you are saying I am so dramatic but I can't explain the damage that pain has caused into my life. I tend to Blame people of the pains that I went through. 

 I WAS COMPLETELY WRONG. I am part to blame of these pains that I had. I need a MAJOR CHANGE in my life. That same night after I prayed and asked God's help He made me see that I can't be a loner forever. That He sees me as a person of worth and of value. He uses people to make me feel and see the changes that I should do in my life. My hon always says and teaches me to stand firm and NEVER let anyone abuse me again. My HON is right, because if there ARE things lacking in my life now it is to LEARN to FIGHT and not to permit anyone to trample on me again and TO LOVE WITH ONE'S IMPERFECTIONS. My KIDS taught me UNCONDITIONAL LOVE. I have been easily irritated and angry at times but they have always been their to comfort and dry my tears when I needed them.

I am learning to be CONTENTED on what others can give and NOT TO EXPECT TOO MUCH!!!

As the days go by I can say the "REAL ME" is still healing!!! I am imperfect, each day is a learning process for me and Sie is still Growing and Hoping ;)

..Crossroads**

There are times in life

When just being Brave is

All we need to be

We may not always know

What to do next

Or How to get there

But if we just Stay Strong

Trust in our Faith

Make the Very Best Choices

We Possibly Can

A few things May Not go as Planned

But if We are Determined to Go On

Almost Everything Will

Work Out Right

* Dana's Photo Inspiration..

original image here 

Laughter and tears are both responses to frustration and exhaustion.  I myself prefer to laugh, since there is less cleaning up to do afterward.  ~K. Vonnegut

Join us every Wednesday on Dana's Photo Inspiration 

@Pure

** Monday Gratitude - Marie Harmony ..

Oftentimes life's troubles hit us down causing us to fall and give up. But God can bring Great Gain into our lives through our burdens and trials in life. We may feel we had the biggest and most severe blow in our lives but these same afflictions made us Stronger for the Next Chapter that God has prepared for us. 

"Our afflictions come to us as blessings, though they frown like curses" ~C.Spurgeon~

I often had many questions in my life but now as days go by I learned to surrender all my plans and cry out to God all my hurts. He is allowing these pains in my life for me to rely more and trust more in His goodness.

I am Grateful because these burdens are actually Blessings In Disguise ;)

Join Us every Monday with Marie Harmony's

 "Monday Gratitude - Open Your Heart To Love"
-- Diary Of A Heart In Transit --

Let Us all Start Our Week Right by giving Thanks and being Grateful

 Have a Blessed Monday Everyone ;)

*Dana's Photo Inspiration..

Trust enables you to put your deepest feelings and fears in palms of your partner’s hands, knowing they will be handled with care.
- C. Avery -

How I wish to have someone by my side to stay and say

" I wanna grow old with you " ;)

original image (here)

Join us every Wednesday on sis Dana's Photo Inspiration 

@Pure

** A Way of Life ..

Somewhere and Sometimes in our life

We Fail

We get Hurt

We get Lost

We Cry

But those Sometimes are the Reasons Why We

Start All Over

Learn to Mend our Wounds

Learn to Ask Directions

Stand Up Again

Hold On and

Move On

Everything that happens in our lives has a Reason

Every Happening Leads to Another

Let us All Learn

From each Mistake

  Celebrate Every Triumph

Treasure Each Moment

Don't Look Back

Live Again

image source: blingee.com

-In His Divine Light*

Gratefully praising with Grace expressing daily to God our heartfelt thanks Gives Him glory

Rejected by people yet Recaptured in His arms, Rejoicing for His real love Replaced each worry

Agonized tears hastily fall As we humbly kneel Asking silently for courage And a stronger soul

Then testing our faith on The heavy trials we go Through, with Him we saw That we are whole

 Infinite love always glows In every mistakes we Intend to do, in  His sight  In Him we're forgiven 

The endless blessings That daily come to us Turns into dewdrops falling from The jewels of heaven

Unquestioned trust on Useless doubts we had, Understanding our weaknesses Under His plans

Darkness  ended  and  Despair ceased with His Divine light that dispelled and Defeated our fear

Every second in our lives Each is precious to Him, Everything because of His Endless love so dear

Poem form: Four line Acrostic

In His Divine Light I am HOME 

With Him I have Found what I have been Searching
I am Back in His Arms
In Him  I am made Whole